Last night, my wife Joanne and I were sitting around the table talking about the fact that we are headed to Seattle this weekend for a Leadership Catalyst marriage weekend called, “A Taste of Bo’s Café.” For all the years that we have been around Leadership Catalyst, we have never been to something like this. We were talking about travel arrangements, childcare, getting the dog and cat to the kennel, and things of that nature. I mentioned that I got an email from their Events Manager, David, with the following last line: “I’m hoping each of the couple attending would experience revitalization in their marriages as a result of the event.”

Half jokingly, I said to Joanne, “So, are you ready for some revitalization in our marriage?” (I say I asked it ‘half-jokingly’ because I think our marriage is awesome. I am in love with Joanne and I love what God has given us. I can honestly say that our marriage is everything I could hope for. Sure, there are little things here and there that could use a little tweaking, but as I look around at some of the couples we know, I feel like we really have figured things out!)

Joanne’s response took me aback: “Yes, I really hope that happens.” Wow! My first reaction was to play the martyr. “I’m doing the best I can, I can’t believe you are unhappy in our marriage, woe is me!” Even while I was having this reaction I was struck with the depth of my emotion when I was lead to believe that my assumptions about the nature of our marriage might not be mutually held. Then Joanne let me off the hook a little. “Even good marriages can get better. They can become great marriages.” Audrey, our oldest daughter who had been listening intently to this conversation, chimed in. “They can even be the best in the universe!”

I let their comments settle in.

As I went though the evening it occurred to me what a destructive assumption I had been making. I realized my assumption could easily lead to complacency. My feelings that things were already great could become a reason not to listen, not to strive for something better and not to continue growing as a spouse, which could prevent me from growing as a human being and ultimately, as a follower of Christ. Who wants to be stagnant?

So, now I am thinking about this weekend’s event in a whole new light. Instead of simply attending because I am an employee of Leadership Catalyst, I want to attend with an openness of heart and mind to do just what David wished for all of us: a revitalization of my marriage – not because it is bad, but because regardless of how good it is, it can always get better. Thanks for reminding me of that Joanne.

- T

Filed under: MARRIAGE by toben