I got affirmed yesterday. I don’t mean that someone paid me a compliment or said something flattering. I was actually, meaningfully and deeply affirmed. Bill was the one to offer the affirmation. And the timing couldn’t have been better. There are a few areas in my job that I haven’t been real happy with in terms of my performance. There were certain goals I had that I didn’t achieve and certain benchmarks I didn’t hit, and in my little brain that spells failure! And it tends to go to my identity. It’s not just that I failed it is that I am a failure. Man I wish I could get a hold on my identity issues! I am definitely a work in progress.

Anyhow, I think Bill got wind of the fact that I was struggling and he took the time to sit across a Diet Coke from me and affirm me. Not, affirmation is not flattery. Its not telling someone that they are smart or helpful or good looking (I’m in no danger of receiving that flattery) but to really speak thoughtfully and specifically to the character and identity of someone. And Bill did that. He brought up things that I hadn’t even realized that I was contributing to our team. He told me how valuable those contributions were. And he told me how innately valuable I was because of who God created me to be. And it wasn’t passing comments, it was like 10 full minutes of affirmation.

Now here is the weird part: I was so uncomfortable receiving those affirmations! For much of my life I have been more comfortable receiving correction or admonishment. Then someone tells me, “You need to try harder” or “I think you need to do this again.” I totally get that. But when someone tells me good things about myself I almost don’t know what to do with that.

At least I know enough now to not try and deflect those comments. I have learned that when affirmation comes I need to sit there and take it. What I found yesterday is that the affirmations that made me squirm a little ended up settling in and becoming more and more meaningful as the time passed.

In the moment it was a bit of a struggle, but in the aftermath I was more and more blessed as time went by. I moved form thinking, “Bill doesn’t know what he’s talking about” to “Wow, maybe Bill knows something about me that I haven’t known about myself.”

Besides being a great encouragement that will last me for a while, it got me thinking about the opportunity to affirm the people closest to me. I am really good at compliments or the “drive by” affirmation with Joanne and the girls, but I rarely take the time to sit one of them down and really meaningfully affirm them. I think I am going to try to make that part of our nightly family dinner–to just take a couple of minutes and really affirm who they are, what they mean to our family and how much they mean to me based not on what they do, but in who God made them to be.

So Bill, thanks so much for the affirmation, but thank you even more for reminding me of the power of true affirmation.

Filed under: AFFIRMATION by toben